I always have this feeling of motion. Like I need to keep moving forward to some destination. I was never sure what the destination was but I figured I would know it when I got there. It would hit me like a thunderbolt or something.
I was always searching to fill a gap or a hole or an emptiness. The right job, the right sport, the right goal, the right religion (yep, even tried that one when I was in my twenties). I just kept moving, running really towards something. Ever in pursuit of my dreams. I'm one of those people that have to have goals, that must keep driving.
In my pursuit of excellence in agility, I realized something. It didn't hit me like a thunderbolt. It was a slow awakening. A little nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that kept telling me that agility wasn't IT.
Why not? There is much work to be done if I want to reach some pinnacle at the top of the sport. You need passion to achieve that level of success. I no longer have the passion. I tried to keep pressing on, I tried to care enough to pay attention to the little subtle things in my training and my handling that needed to be addressed. I tried to set goals that would keep me moving forward. But it just didn't feel right.
I noticed this feeling this Fall. Even before we left for AZ, I had this thing in my head telling me not to go, to stay home. Some might think it was a fear of failure but I am so certain that wasn't it. I can say this with absolute certainty because I didn't even want to do the second day of any 2-day shows in September and October. I wanted to do one day, achieve some sort of success and then go home to be with Greg and Devin. When I was at agility, I wanted to be at Devin's football games. When I was at football, I didn't even think about agility. I felt NO guilt over not showing.
I was upset at how I performed in AZ. But I was more upset being out there and not being at home to see his last game. After I hopped on Val's mountain bike, the realization hit me....I enjoyed riding that bike more than I did showing Gusto. I just wanted to hop on her bike and ride away from the site - to just ride. I stopped riding and running to save my knee for the BIG event. I can't begin to tell you how cranky that made me.
I'm an athlete. Plain and simple. And as long as I am doing athletic things, using my body and pushing it beyond it's current capabilities, then I will be achieving personal success. Because the truth is, in my pursuit for some fantastic high level goals in agility, I realized my pursuit of excellence has nothing to do with agility.
I take more pleasure at watching Devin achieve his goals than I do in my own. I look forward to watching Greg coach basketball this Winter and I look forward to helping Devin try Lacrosse and I look forward to assisting Devin in getting better at football. I love helping him with his schoolwork. I want to see him succeed in academics so that he can pursue any dreams he may have.
I still have some personal goals but they have nothing to do with agility. I'll be keeping them to myself, after all, they are personal :)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
A New Sport
Devin may have a new sport this Spring. I mentioned Lacrosse to him last evening and told him how you are allowed to use the stick in defense. He loved that idea so Greg went online attempting to find a youth program in our area. He couldn't find any but sent out some emails.
Today, Devin went to the Laser Dome for a birthday party and we ran in to one of his football coaches. I asked him what other sports his son does and he said Lacrosse. His son is Devin's age and so we asked him to send the information. I wanted a Spring sport for Devin and several people have recommended this one to us.
Basketball this Winter and Lacrosse in the Spring. I can't wait.
Today, Devin went to the Laser Dome for a birthday party and we ran in to one of his football coaches. I asked him what other sports his son does and he said Lacrosse. His son is Devin's age and so we asked him to send the information. I wanted a Spring sport for Devin and several people have recommended this one to us.
Basketball this Winter and Lacrosse in the Spring. I can't wait.
Feels Good
....to be home and doing normal non-agility things. I'm still playing with the dogs and exercising them and working Robbie on shadow-handling to help his outrun/herding behaviors. BUT the biggest thing that I am loving the most is regular non-agility exercise for ME.
I went for a run yesterday. My legs felt quite strong until I hit a hill. My new goal will be to make it up that hill in the next few weeks. Not sure how long I ran, I'm guessing less than 1.5 miles. I don't track that right now since I'm a sprinter and I need to build up endurance again. I will eventually want to work up to 5 miles. I've never actually been able to do it but that was prior to my cycling days.
I hopped on my indoor bike today and rode while watching an old Nancy Drew TV show. I went about 7 miles and stayed on for 45 minutes. Nothing too strenuous and nothing too fast - just pure calorie burning and easy pedaling.
Tomorrow is a day of rest. I need to plan out my weeks so I don't over do it but I have no agility shows planned until the end of December so I want to work out a schedule that allows me to fit all of this in and still have enough left in my legs to work the dogs.
I rode Barb's bike out in AZ. It is one of the folding types and not very stable so I couldn't ride fast. I borrowed Val's mountain bike and had a huge smile on my face. I think it was the highlight of my disastrous National experience. Next year, I plan to take more time off and do some sight-seeing. I do not want my whole trip to be about agility. You cannot control your experience, you cannot control your dog's excitement level so I need some fun stuff to make the trip worth the 2 weeks away from my family.
I am adjusting my goals for 2009. Not sure what they will be yet but I'm sure the answers will come after I run or ride. It clears my head.
I went for a run yesterday. My legs felt quite strong until I hit a hill. My new goal will be to make it up that hill in the next few weeks. Not sure how long I ran, I'm guessing less than 1.5 miles. I don't track that right now since I'm a sprinter and I need to build up endurance again. I will eventually want to work up to 5 miles. I've never actually been able to do it but that was prior to my cycling days.
I hopped on my indoor bike today and rode while watching an old Nancy Drew TV show. I went about 7 miles and stayed on for 45 minutes. Nothing too strenuous and nothing too fast - just pure calorie burning and easy pedaling.
Tomorrow is a day of rest. I need to plan out my weeks so I don't over do it but I have no agility shows planned until the end of December so I want to work out a schedule that allows me to fit all of this in and still have enough left in my legs to work the dogs.
I rode Barb's bike out in AZ. It is one of the folding types and not very stable so I couldn't ride fast. I borrowed Val's mountain bike and had a huge smile on my face. I think it was the highlight of my disastrous National experience. Next year, I plan to take more time off and do some sight-seeing. I do not want my whole trip to be about agility. You cannot control your experience, you cannot control your dog's excitement level so I need some fun stuff to make the trip worth the 2 weeks away from my family.
I am adjusting my goals for 2009. Not sure what they will be yet but I'm sure the answers will come after I run or ride. It clears my head.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Robbie's Birthday Today
Robbie turns One today! I can't believe how quickly the time flies after they are potty trained :)
I need to get camera edit software loaded on my new laptop and take some new pictures of him. He seems to be done growing and while larger than many BCs, he is within a normal range. I bet he will measure 21.5 give or take and top out at 45ish lbs. That's not horribly big.
A student of mine who brings me treats and coffee was up at the building yesterday thinking I was going to teach. She called me so I went up but told her I was not in good mental state to teach but would bring Robbie along for fun. She worked all 3 of her dogs and then I worked Robbie. He was so good. He is probably not going to be a huge bar knocker like Gusto. He really tries to figure out what I want and then applies it at speed. He doesn't get over the top by my running. He does shoot past jumps coming out of tunnels - outrun-like so will need to stop that behavior.
He can't keep up with Gusto in the yard when Gusto uses his after-burners but he does have a nice stride. I have my fingers crossed that he turns out as nicely as the majority of top dogs running agility. It is soon time to get serious with his training - he is one year old today :)
I need to get camera edit software loaded on my new laptop and take some new pictures of him. He seems to be done growing and while larger than many BCs, he is within a normal range. I bet he will measure 21.5 give or take and top out at 45ish lbs. That's not horribly big.
A student of mine who brings me treats and coffee was up at the building yesterday thinking I was going to teach. She called me so I went up but told her I was not in good mental state to teach but would bring Robbie along for fun. She worked all 3 of her dogs and then I worked Robbie. He was so good. He is probably not going to be a huge bar knocker like Gusto. He really tries to figure out what I want and then applies it at speed. He doesn't get over the top by my running. He does shoot past jumps coming out of tunnels - outrun-like so will need to stop that behavior.
He can't keep up with Gusto in the yard when Gusto uses his after-burners but he does have a nice stride. I have my fingers crossed that he turns out as nicely as the majority of top dogs running agility. It is soon time to get serious with his training - he is one year old today :)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Faith Restored
I can't even begin to express my giddiness when I heard that Obama won the election. I was surprised that America actually made a choice that I can be happy with. I voted before we left by absentee ballot. I've never felt so compelled to vote before in my life.
Rosanne and I drove hard on Tuesday and were not done driving until late. We got to the hotel in time to listen to his acceptance speech. It sounded eerily similar to something Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr would say. I assume the speech writers did that on purpose. It was very uplifting to listen to.
He has a lot of work ahead of him to restore the hope and faith in many Americans - for our economy and for our world position and for our future. I do not envy the task ahead. I also hope that his security staff can keep him safe from the fanatics in our country that are very upset at the idea of someone of his culture getting elected. Not to mention his views - that will infuriate many too.
For our Country's sake, I hope they keep him safe. We've had too many intelligent people taken out in their prime because of the fear they instilled among the uninformed, the scared, the crazy.
Rosanne and I drove hard on Tuesday and were not done driving until late. We got to the hotel in time to listen to his acceptance speech. It sounded eerily similar to something Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr would say. I assume the speech writers did that on purpose. It was very uplifting to listen to.
He has a lot of work ahead of him to restore the hope and faith in many Americans - for our economy and for our world position and for our future. I do not envy the task ahead. I also hope that his security staff can keep him safe from the fanatics in our country that are very upset at the idea of someone of his culture getting elected. Not to mention his views - that will infuriate many too.
For our Country's sake, I hope they keep him safe. We've had too many intelligent people taken out in their prime because of the fear they instilled among the uninformed, the scared, the crazy.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Arizona Recap
Well after nearly 3 days, Rosanne and I are finally home. The long boring drive did give me plenty of time to think and to talk to Rosanne and several other good friends willing to listen to me vent.
I really appreciated the calls, the emails and all the well wishers helping to pick me up after a disastrous start. I must also thank my teammates- Tracy and Claudia- for their help and for not giving up on me throughout the week. You were great teammates and made the week so much more special.
Here is my recap:
Gusto blistered his pads in Austin, Texas on the way out. I've already provided that detail in a previous post so will not go on about how he did it but will say the pads were very sore the entire week and it also affected his back. His back is still sensitive in several spots and his pads are on the mend.
The week started off with us running Team Jumpers. It was a nice course but a very tough tunnel approach after a broad jump requiring special handling to prevent an off course. This is an area that I am not very strong in so didn't feel particularly confident. I did walk to the line reminding myself how to handle that section but unfortunately, we went off course anyway. This was after my other 2 teammates had also gotten eliminated in the same section. Three eliminations in a big team events basically means your team competition is over as far as trying to be competitive. You can salvage your runs but you will not be making the cut off for the relay finals.
The next run was Team Snooker and I notoriously do not run Snooker well in a team event. I was determined to do better than I had at previous events so I picked a course that would limit the turns and the possible impact to Gusto's sore feet. It was not an aggressive plan but would get us some decent points. He ran it really well so I felt much better about how Gusto and I could do for the rest of the week. He ended up placing around 53rd or so out of 200+ dogs. Nothing to jump up and down over but at least it was a good run.
We barely got around Steeplechase Quarterfinals. I did managed to scream him off several off courses and his time was decent so he made it to the Semis. His time was about 28th out over 200 dogs so I felt good about it even though he was wide and wild the entire course.
Day Two included Team Gamblers and Steeplechase Semifinals. Gusto ran really nicely in Gamblers but he had a nasty fall off the teeter in the opening. I had to walk him around to ensure that he wasn't injured. We ended up with 65 points and had he not fallen off the teeter, would have had at least 73 points because we would have had time for more obstacles in the opening. He ended up placing 35th(ish). Unfortunately, Gusto found an off course option in the Steeplechase Semis that I never even considered. I was very upset because he is a fantastic Steeplechase dog and I really wanted a chance to try to make it to the finals. It was not to be and I had to get over the disappointment.
Day Three was Team Standard and Grand Prix Semifinals. Standard was a very nice course and I felt that I could do well enough to maybe place in that event. Unfortunately, he got called for his UP contact on the dogwalk and he also did not turn tightly in the closing line of jumps and added alot of strides which made his time not so great. But at least we got around without going off course. Grand Prix Semifinals was also a very nice course and I felt good about my handling choices. But once again, it didn't go as planned. I pushed too early to a tunnel and Gusto popped out of his poles. Oh well - another disappointing run to deal with.
No finals for Gusto and for me. He got to run European Jumpers on Sunday and he ran that nicely but dropped 2 bars and then had explosive diarrhea immediately following his run. I had to laugh at the fitting end to a disappointing week at his first Nationals. I had such high hopes and expectations, none of which were fulfilled. He did some wonderful things though and I felt pretty good about dealing with the pressure and disappointments. It did take some time to get over it though and I had to keep my spirits up so that I wouldn't affect my friends and other competitors. Since there were so many chances to pull myself up out of the gutter, I got better at it as the week went on.
I really enjoyed watching all of the finals and seeing my friends give it their all. The finals were really exciting to watch in person. I'm certainly glad I got to see it live. I would prefer to be running them though. There is always next year and according to my teammate for 2009, there is a podium spot for me next year. Thanks, Denise, for the vote of confidence.
I really appreciated the calls, the emails and all the well wishers helping to pick me up after a disastrous start. I must also thank my teammates- Tracy and Claudia- for their help and for not giving up on me throughout the week. You were great teammates and made the week so much more special.
Here is my recap:
Gusto blistered his pads in Austin, Texas on the way out. I've already provided that detail in a previous post so will not go on about how he did it but will say the pads were very sore the entire week and it also affected his back. His back is still sensitive in several spots and his pads are on the mend.
The week started off with us running Team Jumpers. It was a nice course but a very tough tunnel approach after a broad jump requiring special handling to prevent an off course. This is an area that I am not very strong in so didn't feel particularly confident. I did walk to the line reminding myself how to handle that section but unfortunately, we went off course anyway. This was after my other 2 teammates had also gotten eliminated in the same section. Three eliminations in a big team events basically means your team competition is over as far as trying to be competitive. You can salvage your runs but you will not be making the cut off for the relay finals.
The next run was Team Snooker and I notoriously do not run Snooker well in a team event. I was determined to do better than I had at previous events so I picked a course that would limit the turns and the possible impact to Gusto's sore feet. It was not an aggressive plan but would get us some decent points. He ran it really well so I felt much better about how Gusto and I could do for the rest of the week. He ended up placing around 53rd or so out of 200+ dogs. Nothing to jump up and down over but at least it was a good run.
We barely got around Steeplechase Quarterfinals. I did managed to scream him off several off courses and his time was decent so he made it to the Semis. His time was about 28th out over 200 dogs so I felt good about it even though he was wide and wild the entire course.
Day Two included Team Gamblers and Steeplechase Semifinals. Gusto ran really nicely in Gamblers but he had a nasty fall off the teeter in the opening. I had to walk him around to ensure that he wasn't injured. We ended up with 65 points and had he not fallen off the teeter, would have had at least 73 points because we would have had time for more obstacles in the opening. He ended up placing 35th(ish). Unfortunately, Gusto found an off course option in the Steeplechase Semis that I never even considered. I was very upset because he is a fantastic Steeplechase dog and I really wanted a chance to try to make it to the finals. It was not to be and I had to get over the disappointment.
Day Three was Team Standard and Grand Prix Semifinals. Standard was a very nice course and I felt that I could do well enough to maybe place in that event. Unfortunately, he got called for his UP contact on the dogwalk and he also did not turn tightly in the closing line of jumps and added alot of strides which made his time not so great. But at least we got around without going off course. Grand Prix Semifinals was also a very nice course and I felt good about my handling choices. But once again, it didn't go as planned. I pushed too early to a tunnel and Gusto popped out of his poles. Oh well - another disappointing run to deal with.
No finals for Gusto and for me. He got to run European Jumpers on Sunday and he ran that nicely but dropped 2 bars and then had explosive diarrhea immediately following his run. I had to laugh at the fitting end to a disappointing week at his first Nationals. I had such high hopes and expectations, none of which were fulfilled. He did some wonderful things though and I felt pretty good about dealing with the pressure and disappointments. It did take some time to get over it though and I had to keep my spirits up so that I wouldn't affect my friends and other competitors. Since there were so many chances to pull myself up out of the gutter, I got better at it as the week went on.
I really enjoyed watching all of the finals and seeing my friends give it their all. The finals were really exciting to watch in person. I'm certainly glad I got to see it live. I would prefer to be running them though. There is always next year and according to my teammate for 2009, there is a podium spot for me next year. Thanks, Denise, for the vote of confidence.
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